Changes....

I have decided that change can be a good thing. I haven't felt this happy in months.... probably years.

Maybe I thought I was this happy during that euphoric puppy love phase but really, it was just my brain bonding with another human being. Nothing that is lasting. This is like the happy that people describe to me when they talk about marriage. This only real difference is I love ME and I am happy about my break up.

Dana and I are being civil, which is peculiar although not altogether a bad thing. We are working things out and I'm sure when I am finally packed and ready to go I'll be a little sad, but not because of a lost relationship, but because I am moving onto another part of my life. That is always a little sad, but amazing too.

I was talking to my friend about how I feel is somewhere between the euphoria I felt when I was using drugs and the terror I felt jumping off of the bridge in Campbellford as a teenager. I am rushed and stress and it feels like my world is in shambles, like I'm struggling just to get by and then at the same time like I am feeling an inner serenity that I thought could only come to me with drug use. It's beautiful. I believe I am finally feeling awake, finally breathing, finally alive.