Sunday, 30 October 2011

Moira, Darling.

Just wanted to do a little bit of a promotion for some awesome guys I know... they are in a band call Moira, Darling.... I'm not sure they even need promoting, they do pretty well for themselves.... however.... You should go and give them a listen!

In fact, check out one of my favourite songs from them right mother#$%&in' here.

Paper Notes by Moira, Darling - Taking over the World.

You can also check them out on myspace or if you prefer Reverbnation ooooooooor Facecrack

There, that pretty much covers it.... at least I think... Sorry my head kind of exploded from the awesomeness of the music that was just coming out of my speakers sooooooo....

OH YES.... I almost forgot... hot guys.... lots of them. Go and see for yourself! >.0

Friday, 28 October 2011

Caffé "Affogato"

Trust me... your mouth is going to sing my praised for a month....

Vanilla Ice Cream - 2 scoops
Hot strong coffee - about 1/2 cup.

Put the ice cream in a bowl, pour your coffee or espresso over it... voila! You're done. Now eat. Quickly.

(You can also throw in a bit of chocolate sauce or use espresso in place of the coffee. )

Try it. I will post pictures from next time I make some!

Heart Attack Wrapped in Delicious.

Sooooo, I got a weird ideedee tonight and it lead to an amazing meal as well as it took 10 years off my life.

I thought that bacon, chicken, shake and bake and BBQ sauce would work really great together... Soooooo I decided it should happen.


5 chicken legs
1/2 cup BBQ sauce (I used Hickory)
3/4 lb of bacon
Shake 'n' bake

I started off by rinsing the chicken legs and patting dry with a paper towel. Then I proceeded to use a basting brush to coat the legs in BBQ sauce.

After coating each one, I wrapped them in bacon (Using approx. 2 slices each.)
After wrapping them up in bacon, roll each one in the shake and bake, coating thoroughly.

Then put the chicken in the oven (I cook at high temperatures so 425.) and make sure to use lots of tinfoil on the baking sheet!

It should be done in about 45min.
Now dig into the most delicious thing you have ever eaten.

(once again, excuse the photo..... cell phones suck.)

Monday, 24 October 2011

Cajun Chicken and Shrimp Pasta

Sooooo, I've decided to post some of my favourite recipes on here and the modifications I made. Don't judge me too harshly on the photo... if you want pretty food go look at advertisements, I am working with what I got which happens to be a cell phone.

This recipe I adapted from Here. A blog called The Pioneer Woman, let me tell you this site has some of the most delicious food I have ever seen in my life...

My recipe is a little bit different.

1 medium sized yellow onion
2 large chicken breasts
14-17 medium shrimp (cooked, peeled and de-veined)
1/2 of 3 peppers (I used Yellow, Green and Red)
2 tomatoes
1/2 cup of cream (I used half and half)
1/2 a box of Campbell's Chicken soup broth (About 2 cups)
2 tbsps margarine
2 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper
3 tbsp cajun spice (Mine came from The Keg)
3 tbsp vegetable oil
1 lb pasta (I used spaghetti)
Salt and pepper to taste

How did I make this delicious meal that requires me to wear fat pants after eating you ask!?

-Throw 1tbsp margarine, the vegetable oil and 1/2 a cup of the chicken broth into a frying pan and melt together over low heat.
-Slice your chicken into short thin strips and toss into the frying pan, turn your heat up to med-high. Cook until browned.
-While the chicken is cooking, chop your peppers into thin 1 inch long strips, cut your tomatoes into small pieces and dice your onion.
-Once the chicken is finished cooking, add the veggies and sprinkle in about 1/2 of your spices.
(Now would be a great time to put the water on to boil for your pasta)
-Add about 1 cup of chicken broth and let simmer. Stir occasionally.
-After about 5 min put in your cream and stir. This is where you should add your shrimp in, as well as the rest of your spices.
(Your water is boiling! Don't forget to put in your pasta to cook!)
-Add more pepper and the rest of your margarine, because I said so... we don't skimp on calories here!
-In about 5-10 min your sauce should be thickening and your pasta should be just about done. Throw in that last little bit of broth and stir.
-Drain your pasta and turn the heat down under the frying pan to low... mix together in the pan and serve!

Warning, it looks amazing but this is a VERY heavy meal! Also you are going to want to eat this forever so make enough for lunch tomorrow too.

Small tip for those of you who like to cook with booze, add some beer or white wine to it instead of so much broth.... it's amazing-er-er-er-est. =)

My weekend

I had an interestingly busy weekend. I went to my grandmothers celebration of life and had a friend over to hangout and help me dye my hair.

My friday was spent trying to find a ride to warkworth and then hanging out with my Aunt who is pregnant and mildly volatile. By mildly, I mean extremely. Especially when driving or hungry, or both. Thankfully, despite heavy road rage and mild lecturing on the dangers of having my ex-boyfriend on facebook, I lived and spent the night at the house she shares with my grandparents.

The next morning, I was awoken and taken for early morning coffee and chatter which is refreshing change of pace. Then I was picked up by my mother who was kind enough to allow me to meet up with my best friend, Marra,and bring her back for a night over at my parents. Marra tends to fit in well with my parents and my kid brother even enjoys her company with the exception of when he is ganged up on and pinched to death. After a few hours of chatter and fixing computers, we dyed my hair.



I love the way it turned out... Anyways. Onto more important subjects. We stayed up late chatting back and forth and watching Sex Drive which ended up being both amusing and endearing. Although now I want a shoe tree more than ever. I literally want to collect hundreds of shoes and throw them into a tree. (I think it's amazingly artsy.) I ended up with a serious headache so I call the boyfriend and went to sleep around the 03:00 mark.

The next morning I was woken up by my mother telling me to get up and go have a shower so I crawled my zombiefied butt outta bed and headed down the stairs. Once naked and in the shower I forgot about the second showerhead and was immediately brought out of my semi-conscious state by a blast of frigidly cold water hitting me in the face. Not pleased. So after about an hour of getting ready I stood at the door saying goodbye to Marra and waiting to head to Brampton. My gramma Jim's life celebration was starting in about an hour so I was going to be late. Not that my mother or I minded. We both have a knack for making late but grand entries to most functions.

The drive down took us close to 2 hours because we hit bumper to bumper traffic around the Barrie turn off of the 401. Needless to say the genetic road rage kicked in and my mother developed what I can only imagine would be classified as sever Tourettes. Thankfully, we made it through alive and still got there in time to see my siblings Justin and Mandi, and of course my demon brother, Brodi, was already there. Mandi was a lot shorter than I remembered her... She actually was a couple inches shorter than I was. Which is strange because as a child she seemed so tall. Justin was as pleasantly plump and as socially awkward as ever. (This is what makes him a likely candidate for "Favourite Sibling") and of course his girlfriend was there. I absolutely adore her, she seems so tolerant of my brother, whereas I would have strangled him if given a chance. All in all the family get together was good, there was a lot of bustling around and plenty of laughter which made it easier. Thankfully it didn't run too long and we headed home before the sunset.

As for today, I got up, changed and came home. I was supposed to see my friend Mindy and her son Tyler again today (I saw them on saturday as well! Tyler happens to be one of the cutest kids ever, and boy what a little heartbreaker already!) but unfortunately due to some mix ups we ended up putting it off til next time I am in Warkworth which may be as soon as next weekend.

I also have some fantastic news! I have a family doctor. He is pretty much the most perfect doctor you could imagine and he is right on the ball with my health issues, a week after seeing him I had a referral to a specialist for some internal issues and an appointment for bloodwork. I should know more in a few days and you'll know what's up as soon as I do!

Anyways, thought I should post some more funny things just to lighten the mood... tis a bit gloomy!

Friday, 21 October 2011

Today... it's not so good

I was woken up to recieve some pretty bad news. My grandmother, who I was supposed to go and visit this weekend, has passed away.

She died early this morning from cancer. I knew it was coming, but I didn't expect it so soon. Last night however I got the same sinking feeling that I've always gotten before someone passes away and I hoped it was just a feeling and that it would pass. Once again it was right on the money. I seem to have found myself a little stuck now, I don't want to cry or feel or anything, and that is making me numb. Unfortunately, the numbness is only making things worse... I feel like a cold angry teenager again who doesn't understand death and has no idea how to react to it.

I have also come to the realization that while I will miss my Gramma Jim sorely and that I am going to feel the sharp pain of loss, she was also very sick. She had cancer and they were going to have to put her through painful treatments to keep her here. She must have decided that 80 some odd years on this earth with people she loved was enough. I can't argue that. It's a very long time, and if you have lived that long and lived well enough, the suffering through a few more months just isn't worth it.

The other problem I am having is that I desperately want to phone my father, I want to hug him and have someone to cry with. But I don't know what to say. I have thought for hours now about what I could say, but I just, I don't know. How can you have a conversation about something this big? I don't talk about anything big with my family. Not the drugs, not the miscarriage, not anything related to death. I must get that from my mother. She is always like a robot when it comes to handling death or big things like that. I prefer just to write it down and get it all out of my system.

So if someone asks me how I am or if I am okay, I have been saying yes. The truth is however, that I'm not. I am sad and angry and hurt. I feel like I want to rip everything to pieces (Thus the whole turning myself into a robot... it's for everyone's safety.) I am angry that I didn't go down on thanksgiving because I wanted to spend time with my other Grandparents and my Moms family. I am even more angry with whatever omnipotent being is supposed to control these things. I only had to wait one more day before I could go and see her and someone decided she had to go now. I want to scream "why?" until the person who made that decision hears me and gives her back. I just wanted to say goodbye. I am also scared. I am scared that everyone on my fathers side will think I am a terrible person because I haven't seen her in so long. I don't know how to explain to them why I didn't. How do you look your family in the eye and say I was too fucked up to think about it. I didn't want to stumble into my Gramma's home and act like a dipshit because I was high or drunk. And every time an opportunity arose to visit and I wasn't messed up, I was somewhere else, or I had made other plans. I feel like I am going to be ostracized at the wake and the funeral. I am terrified to put it plainly.

Anyways... I am going to zone out for a bit, maybe drink a little. After all, it's 5 O'clock somewhere.

It's under.

Okay... so to follow up on last nights episode, it is not over... but the waters have cooled >.< It is like the fucking antarctic up here this relationship has gotten so chilly.

I have changes my fb relationship status to being married to my ex gf, and Dana doesn't seem to give a crap. Which is mildly disappointing. I would much prefer if he did get a little jealous, buuuuut instead he is being weird, withdrawn and cryptic.

How did shit get so fucked up? Like really? What in the hell did I do in a past life to deserve this.

Not to mention my grandmother is sick and the weekend I am supposed to see her, shit goes all messed up and my aunt calls panicking so my father takes off and I still can't get to see her. ARGH! It's so frustrating. I am going home to Wawa anyways and I can sort my brain out there for a little while. I think Marra and I will get together for a little bit and do hangouts on the weekend. This makes me intolerably pleased. I am looking forward to talking to someone outside the regular work people and Dana.

Oh! I also am very pleased to say that a dear friend of mine, Chadd, is on vacation in the lovely destination of California! He touched down in LAX this morning safe and sound and has been BBMing me throughout the day. I look forward to seeing some of the wonderful sights as he keeps me updated, and I hope he stays safe!

I will post more when I get to Warkworth tomorrow. Until then, so long and thanks for all the fish!


Wednesday, 19 October 2011

It's over.

I am beginning to think the best thing I can do for myself is walk away from this stupid relationship and never date again. All the men I have dated have been complete douche bags. Sure, it starts out nice and everything is wonderful and then everything gets super shitty super fast.

I actually got yelled at for using too many dishes to make dinner tonight. I was also told that an accepted way to ask someone to move out of your way was to tell them to move out of the fucking way and go sit down. I swear, I am being treated more and more like a goddamn piece of trash that shits money and makes food.

He has been off work for 6 days now and hasn't even finished the dishes and apparently has decided that he shouldn't ever have to do anything except play his stupid video games. He refused to even do laundry and has gotten pissy with me when I had to go for doctors appointments. Like I was doing something horrible to him. I mean honestly, I am painfully aware of the fact that I can be a tad stuck up and pretentious and that I leave my socks in odd places until cleaning day... but at least I don't bully.

I wake up a little sadder every morning and think to myself,
"Why am I still here? What is this relationship doing for me besides making me angry and spiteful?" I can't name one reason why... and I am still here. I just want to go home. I want to have my mum wake me up every morning, and I want to go to school. I don't want to pay for my half of everything plus the shit he doesn't want to fork over the dough for!

I just want to move on with my life... I just feel like I am trapped here, in a place and time that I don't belong. Everything is just crashing down on my head, it like there is an avalanche just behind me and it's all I can do to stay ahead of it. Running for my life and I never have time to catch my breath or take a moment to be alone. Someone is always there, always waiting for me to screw up or do something they can pick apart.

I wish I just had time to sort everything out in my head. But I don't, so I give up... the waters will take me wherever the currents lead and I guess if I am battered to death on the rocks then that is what is going to happen.

All I wanted was to be loved and be happy.

A totally shameless promotion.

What can I say, I'll do just about anything for cute boys in bands.... wear t-shirts, flash my boobs on buses, scream like someone cut my hand off in a lawnmower when Paper Notes comes on.... Even shameless promotions of their art page on my blog.

Seriously, this guy is super talented, along with being a rock star, a freelance motivational speaker (best pick me up I have ever had.), annnnnnd being the only person to successfully rock a mullet, he is also an amazing artist.

The link to his page is and you should look him up. He does some amazing stuff and he makes custom clothing. I love love love his work and I am sure you will all love it too. Check him out (and his amazing cuteness too, if you get a chance ;D ) and I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

So gogogogogogogogo and click the "Like" button. In the meantime.... cheers!

Tuesday, 11 October 2011


I have never wanted to say fuck it, I give up on this place, this relationship and this love more than today. I am feeling frustrated, beaten down and tired. I can't even put into words how much I am feeling because it is all just a complete rush of emotion that is leaving me drained.

For starters I am feeling alone. It is like my boyfriend and I have become roomates who don't really give a crap about each other. We see each other every morning, and barely say 2 words. At night he is too busy playing his stupid video game to bother looking at me or he is passed out on the couch. During the day, he is to busy talking to everything else with boobs to look my way even once. I couldn't even tell him that I am ranked first on our team, our product line and second on site because he was too busy being pissy. My accomplishments mean nothing to this man.

Not to mention the fact that I am not allow to have an individual thought in my head. I got called whiny and bitchy this morning because I told him I was busy getting dressed when he wanted me to find him socks to wear and the 2 pairs I did get him weren't good enough, he want specific fucking colour! Like I was some kind of servant girl. And then I get called lazy because I would rather not walk to work... not like I have a crippling anxiety disorder that is based on the fear of large open spaces, like the outdoors, or anything. I could just slap the living shit out of him, and I wish I could. I might actually feel better.

Then he can't even make up his stupid mind as to whether he wants me here or not. Like I am just someone who he is flippant about. Not as though I actually fucking matter, but I'm goddamned optional. Like a second fucking cupholder in a car or the desicion between a swiss latte or mocha latte. Talk about feeling unimportant. Almost makes me want to drown myself in front of him just to see if the man would decide if I was worth getting his clothes wet for.

I am just so aggravated with the whole situation... although I am surprisingly calm for someone who is feeling so picked on. I mean I am aware that I have more than most, but I would willing trade it all not to feel like a shitty person every day of my life. I wake up feeling rotten and go to bed in a state of self loathing. This can't be all there is for me, I can't live my life in an ordinary setting, as an unhappy lifetime girlfriend who can't have kids and hasn't had sex in years. That just isn't fair. I know I can do more and be more and I feel so trade and shackled. I don't want to leave but I can't live this way...

I need a plan... a way out or a way back in... I can't do this anymore. Being unhappy is killing me.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

For this, I am thankful.

This year I wanted to put down in writing what I am thankful for. I have a very long list but bear with me.

This year I am thankful for many things, I have a life that some people can only dream about and even on days where I think it's hard just to breathe, I know someone else out there would love to have my problems and someone is invariably envious of my entire life and being.

I'll begin with my health. I am thankful that I don't have any life threatening illnesses or injuries. I have never lost a limb or had to sacrifice something I love due to something health related. My life is not threatened in any way when I wake up in the morning and I have never heard a doctor tell me how long I have to live. For this I am thankful.

I am uncomprehendingly grateful for my family. I have a mother who is not afraid to push me back onto the right path when I go astray, or go to bat for me when I am being wronged. She taught me how to be a decent human being and she loves me. I have a father who didn't have to be. He chose to be my Dad, the man who loves me to the end of the earth and invariably answers any request with "Did you ask your mother?" He is the one I can cry to or scream my lungs out at and he is still there, steady as a rock, to forgive me. I have my quirky and yet lovable aunts and uncles, my confidants. They are the people I can openly tell everything to and know without fail that they will tell no one unless I am in danger of hurting myself or others. They are my bestfriends. Finally I have my grandparents. They are my listeners, my teachers and my friends. When no one else will stand by me, they will. Right or wrong, they believe in me and believe that I am worth something. They applaud even my minor victories and give standing ovations to major ones. They teach me life lessons in wisdom and patience. My siblings, who tell me their secrets and the funniest jokes. They are the people I hate and love the most. Sometimes, I wish they were never there but without them my life would be totally empty. I am also thankful for my sister, Paige, who has given me the chance to know her after so many years apart. For this, I am thankful.

I am grateful for my boyfriend. The man who is tolerant of my weirdness on good days and accepting of my temper on bad ones. The man who, I believe, would fight for me and always has my back. He is the person I can lean on the most. I love him even when I hate him and he loves me even when he hates me. I am grateful I am not alone and for his help through everything. I may hate it, but I am thankful for his realism, his unchanging steadyness and his, sometimes boring, but dependable personality. For this, I am thankful.

The people who have hurt me and love me the most, my friends. The people I would be lost without. You are the ones I can trust not to reveal my bad habits or tease me about my looks. They are the ones who would jump into a bar fight with me, just so I did taste defeat alone. My friends are the people who folllow me home from bars when I am mad, screaming at me the whole way that they love me and are sorry. The people who will get in the shower with me and we laugh totally comfortable. Or the people that make me the best man at their surprise weddings and of course the people who I've never met, but that still care about me enough to listen to my unending rants. My friends are the people who make mistakes and I forgive them for it, or the people that I hurt who forgive me for it. They are my soulmates. For this, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the abundance of food, shelter and material things in my life. I have more than a lot of people do and I have more than some people could dream of. I am painfully aware that there are people who would be happy just to have a roof over there head or to not have to rummage through dumpsters for food. I have an excess of things in my life that have no purpose but entertainment and pleasure. I am grateful that fate has seen fit to let me live a life of relative comfort. While it may not be perfect or luxurious, for this, I am thankful.

Finally, I am thankful for my mind and soul, for my ability to be aware of all the things I have in my life to be thankful for and my ability to be thankful for them. I am able to feel love, hate, pain, pleasure and every other emotion because of these things. While sometimes thinking about something can hurt my soul, or my soul may cause me to feel immeasurable pain or anger, I am given great comfort knowing that everything it feels or thinks is what makes me, me. These are the things that gives me all my abilities and works 24/7 or the thing that lets me experience life with emotion and feeling to the fullest capacity. For this, I am grateful.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

~ Reinhold Niebuhr

Happy thanksgiving all.... Hope you have plenty to be grateful for.